Try Not To Get Cum All Over Your Computer Like I Did. Or On Your Boyfriend. It's Not The Cumshot He'll Hate. It's The Fact That He Didn't Cause It.

so as you may or may not know chace crawford has been named by people this summers hottest bachelor.


this of course is not surprising because while robert pattinson may cause every woman on the planet to wet her panties by making this face...


chace crawford has an even more powerful ability which probably helped him beat out robby. and its not his pretty pink penis. its something more powerful. he can make a mans hole pucker.

ed: you're making my hole pucker. want to fuck me? chace: you would not believe how many people have asked me that today!


so why did this power cum in handy? well i may be going out on a limb here but im guessing that people magazine is run by cum loving fairies. after all this is the mag that named hugh jackman the sexiest man alive.


and hes like every fags wet dream cum true. hes a straight (?) man with the body of an adonis and the personality of a theater queen.



and then theres the muttonchops. the muttonchops that'll tickle while hes eating out your asshole thats puckering cause you're watching nate and chuck flirt on gossip girl. cause the huge junk man is perfect and wont object to you watching gossip girl while he fucks the shit out of your ass and sings show tunes like some assholes *cough*ab*cough*.


also on the list is taylor kitsch.


aka wolverines own personal cum dump gambit.


hes most likely on the list because people magazine wanted to acknowledge the love that dare not speak its name.


and now i would like to give an honorable mention to crissy ronaldo who was not named a hot summer bachelor but totally should have been which is why hes pissed.


oh crissy. you can stick that finger anywhere you like.